fat yoga

The window at fat yoga. This has been a wonderful course and I'm sorry it's over. Hopefully it will continue week to week. Loved getting back on the mat after 12 years. @fatyoga

After 12 years I am finally back on the mat and it feels so good. Before motherhood I used to attend this Iyengar class in Brunswick that was big and strenuous in an airy church hall with dark wooden floors. I wasn't as big then as I am now, but I still found yoga challenging. Still I persisted, it took me a while to find this class and to find my place within in it.  Once I did though, I was faithful and made quite good progress. Yoga seemed to act as a gateway drug for other forms of exercise such as walking and swimming, being active in general and I was as fit as I ever have been in adult hood. Good times. Then, and possibly related, I got pregnant and stayed pregnant. And yoga wasn't as good as it had been, there were too many poses I couldn't or shouldn't do and I resented spending half the class with my legs up the wall. And then, I found pre natal yoga. Once again I could do everything (almost) and it was exactly where I needed to be right then.

In the twelve years since birthing Grace I have tried to go back to yoga a couple of times. But I couldn't find a class where I felt at ease. The old Iyengar class didn't feel right and it was during family, bed, bath, dinner time. Other classes were too posey, didn't flow or just didn't gel.Some were ridiculously hard despite being pitched at all comers. And then just recently fat yoga became a thing here. But the classes were at not a great time for a single mother with a child too old for babysitters but too young to be left at night. And then there was the Saturday morning beginner's course. And just like pre natal classes, it was just right for just now. Now I'm hoping that a regular Saturday class starts up and thinking about what I could do at home.

Yoga, even what I am capable of right now, feels amazing. It's not just the poses, it's the breath and the intention. It's the being in your body in the now. It's the pushing just to the right edge (although I was a bit sore after yesterday's class, so maybe a bit too far). It's being with other fat women, in community, doing yoga together and not being the only fatty in the class. It's remembering my breath when I feel anxious or weird or stupid. It's many kinds of awesome. Hopefully it will also be a gateway to a new more active self.

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