Spring winds

On the way to the dentist

Spring winds are making me grumpy and unsettled. The footy on the radio makes me think a finals season is not the same without Gerard. I'm lonely for him which comes and goes but seems sharp at the moment. I'm having regular nightmares too. One involved us moving somewhere in Essendon to a terrace house near Puckle street and when I went out for a walk I became hopelessly lost and couldn't find my way home. It got dark and rainy and no matter what street I turned down, I would feel close to home but couldn't find it. In desperation, I hailed a taxi which turned out to be a yellow sportscar driven by a really big woman who took up the front seat and back seat but with space next to her. She said she could take me home but I couldn't find my way into the one seat beside her. I woke up sweating and went to pat Rupert for comfort and he was lying on his back with his legs in the air, which I have never noticed before. Discombobulating. I could unpick this dream, it seems really obvious, but I think I wont.

I've realised following craft camp that I have nothing exciting happening in the next few weeks to look forward to. Life is not bad but it feels a bit sameish and I'm not feeling all that motivated to get on with things. So I've decided to start inviting people to dinner. We haven't really entertained since Gerard's wake. My heart hasn't been in it and the house has been in a constant state of grottiness and dysfunction. It's time though. I find myself planning the household jobs that must get done and what I will cook. And I kind of feel better. Then once the house was cleaned and the shopping planned, my friend cancelled because one of her children has the flu. We certainly don't want that in the house and I cooked a smaller amount of the dinner we were going to have (nori rolls and sticky chicken teriyaki drumettes) and we watched The Batchelorette instead. What a blokefest! Not in a good way though. Don't they realise they are going to be on national television. I suspect some of them drink too much.

Went to the dentist today and found out that the painful ulcer on the underside of my tongue is not some form of canker but a traumatic injury probably caused by a broken filling. Which was fixed. I really like this dentist, she is a big woman (why are there so many female dentists at the community dental service?) and has an aura that is calm and a bit queer in the best possible way. She also uses dental dams so they are not always sucking the moisture away from where they are working and everything stays nice and clean. My mouth is a bit sore still but everything feels better. Next thing to tackle is the cracked crown and then maybe a splint to stop me grinding my teeth at night. Can't wait. But really I am grateful for this dental service and their patching up of my crappy teeth.

The winds seemed to have peaked and died down. The mown grass has gone from green with squashy green mown bits to a less sparkling green with dry bits that have been partly blown away. And we are going to Queensland for Christmas which I am starting to look forward to. And the show next week, which is kind of half and half. We are having sushi carwash for dinner. All is good.

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