I made a killer spinach pie for dinner tonight. Only it wasn't spinach, it was silver beet from the garden. I took care to pick the best leaves and even washed off all the bugs and snails. And I included sautéed mushrooms and onion, to which I added the very finely chopped silver beet, and cooked it until all the water came off and it was much reduced in size. The chopping makes all the difference when you use silver beet otherwise the texture is inclined to be stringy. I started picking the greens and making the pie after Gerard's 5 o'clock medication and was able to have a rest and a vodka beverage along the way.
The rituals of family living; dinner at the table, family tv time, afternoon tea, walking to school when we can, lunch together, going to the supermarket, these are the things holding me, holding us together at the moment. After the last seizure (which I didn't write about here because, well too busy to write) Gerard has had trouble with his speech. I think it is called aphasia, he can think the thoughts but the words that come out don't always relate. Although I do think the relationship between words and thoughts is getting closer or maybe we are understanding him better. The doctor has said that Gerard's main tumour has changed and so he is having a break from radiotherapy pending an MRI. She said it was "concerning" but that they don't have enough information without the MRI to make sure the radiotherapy is targeted correctly. Everything felt very sharp yesterday and I cried every time I was on my own. I see people living every day normal lives with every day normal problems and I feel like tapping them on the shoulder and saying, this is the good bit, love each other, appreciate what you have. But I don't, of course. And I do think that people close to us know this and feel a bit of the fear, a bit of the vulnerability. Because this sort of stuff does happen to ordinary families like us. Hopefully not very often, but it does happen. And I do know of other families that have had big things happen. Maybe one day I am going to look back and this, these days now, they will be the good bit.
Ack, I'm tired. So tired. Even though I got a full night's sleep last night. More or less. I thought I would write about other things but maybe it's not in me right now. And I need some sort of record. I do. I really do.