winter solstice

Happy Solstice!

Dinner

When I was doing one of those carefully worded, as in be truthful but don't overstep the mark, updates on Facebook I mentioned that we might have a solstice event. As usual, there was something else on and I forgot about it. Until I got a text and suddenly there was a perfect mini gathering assembled. It was a mild, slightly cloudy night, perfect for sitting around the burny barrel. There was a moment after getting the fire started, Neil Young on, drink in hand, waiting for everyone to arrive that was just so perfect. It was so still and harmonious.

Gerard has been home for a week now and it is great to have him home. Much better than the hospital, but it's also hard. There are so many things he isn't allowed to do. No driving, no power tools, no lawn mowing, no going anywhere without someone, not even just around the neighbourhood, no being at home by himself. His short term memory is improving in fits and starts, but sometimes I have to say something four times before it sinks in. Like when we were out on a family walk and he asked me where we were heading and I said to that line of trees, that's where the path is. And then three minutes later he asked me again. And so on. You would think that given he has a brain tumour, well two actually, that I would be bigger than all this. But you would be wrong. I am not. There was irritation, yelling and at one point, not this particular one but another one, I made the small child cry. Which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it meant she let it all out and the real issues came to the surface. It would be better if it wasn't me being mean and rancid provoking this though. I have resolved to take two pills tonight. Hopefully sleep will make me a better person.

Anyway solstice eve was lovely. Gerard had the two beers he is permitted, maybe more. Well, I acted like a good partner with the beer and established with the hospital that it was ok for him to drink a little bit. He likes that and so do I. It seems more normal.There was lots of food and the children played nicely, only resorting to TV right at the end. Someone said that it was tradition to have solstice at our place and we did do it last year. I can't remember the year before. It was so very nice, sitting there watching the flames. Kind of like the life we had before. Maybe that will be the trick, to hold onto as many good bits as possible. To keep going. To keep living our lives as best we can.

2 comments:

  1. The irritation is hard. Just because they have a good reason, doesn't make it not irritating. You can only hold that in for so long, especially if it's CONSTANT, and you have a million other things going on as well.

    Glad you had a good solstice. It was suitably wintery here. Here's to a new, slowly-getting-lighter year.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's good about the Solstice Gathering and the little bits of normal. And as for the rest, well. What can you do? You're under enormous stress at the moment, only a saint wouldn't crack every so often.

    ReplyDelete