When I got off the phone to work yesterday, I felt light, elated. Good. Finally done it. Quit work. Just like that. No, I guess not just like that. It has been rather a long time coming. About a year really. I kept putting off the decision because it was only three days a week, close to home and paid well enough. But I could feel the stress of it getting to me again and that slip sliding into unwellness. So boring. So inconvenient. It might be a bit inevitable with all the peri menopausal hormones ranging around but I don't think it needs to be this bad. So I went to my doctor for a certificate and then I called work. It is all done bar the paperwork and a morning tea to say goodbye to my colleagues. Yes, just like that.
So what made me finally do it? Well I guess Thursday was even more challenging than usual and close to the end of my day I was dealing with yet another customer who was somewhat more difficult than usual and I said something I really shouldn't have. I removed myself from the situation immediately and told a team leader and then locked myself in the ladies and sobbed. Great big sobs. A colleague and a social worker came to rescue me and no one blamed me or gave me a hard time but really, at that moment something broke and I knew I just couldn't do it any more. I guess I'm not the first person to decide to quit a job while crying in the toilets. The next day I found out that the loan we were seeking for the extension was unlikely to be approved. No matter, we had already worked out a feasible and much cheaper back up plan. One we can do with what we have, and as a bonus, less debt.
I still feel sick. A combination of not sleeping, anxiety and just a touch of the lovely gastro that's going around here. So I've given myself permission to rest up for a week or two. To lie on the couch and read books or watch movies, to just let things float by. Then I guess I'd better figure out what to do next. I'm so glad I've finally done it. Once I shut this door, I'm sure others will open.