unicorn blood and more crazy times

I've been a bit unwell. Again. A few weeks (months?) of dodgy sleep a week at work where I had an awful couple of days due to being so very, very tired, followed by a weekend where I missed a few nights sleep and then Tuesday morning when the alarm went, and there I was already wide awake with countless thoughts racing through my head. Again. For the third out of five nights. (The other two nights I had gone to sleep with a fair amount of vodka - lithivod mmmm- which my doctor agrees is not a prudent long term strategy) Decided not to go to work and I think my shrink thought I was putting it on, but she suggested I go back on the anti psychotics nonetheless. Went back to work on the Thursday and lasted less than ten minutes before I was standing in front of a team leader trying really hard not cry, not succeeding, and waving my arms around. Ushered into the room with tissues and sent home. Actually, work have been reasonably decent but my doctor, well - I'm having some doubts. And it's very hard when you're feeling fragmented and vulnerable to make sensible decisions about anything, particularly when the very thing you use to make decisions - your brain - is not working as well as it might. And if you start taking zyprexa again, particularly at a significant dose, well you will feel a bit better when the racing thoughts stop and you get some sleep but you may also feel like you've been kicked in the head every day for a while. And for me other symptoms like anxiety take a little while to calm down. Hence the somewhat unpleasant kicked in the head creek walk where I saw a snake in every rustle, even though my rational self knows it is too cold for snakes.

Anyway, the drugs are working properly now, I've had a good stretch of sleep and although I have a cold, I feel pretty good. However because this is the third episode in just over 6 months, I've made some decisions. First, I am going to start looking for a new doctor. Second, I'm going to find out whether there are any other health issues affecting me - hello peri-menopause? And three, well three is really big and complicated - I'm looking into doing something about my work. This time work wasn't the cause or trigger for the episode but it certainly doesn't help me feel any better in general. Need to sit with that a bit and see how I feel in a few weeks but yes, thinking about work big time. TMI? Yes? Unicorn time? I thought so.
"Death of the Unicorn" by Amy C. Reed
Grace and lolled around this afternoon and watched the first Harry Potter DVD again. I liked it well enough the first time around but on the second viewing I got so much more. And how did I not pick up the unicorn scene last time? And why does the reference to unicorn blood seem so apt?
From here
"...it is a monstrous thing, to slay a unicorn. Only one who has nothing to lose, and everything to gain, would commit such a crime. The blood of a unicorn will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something pure and defenceless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips."—Firenze explains to Harry Potter why the slaying of a unicorn is a crime.[src]
We have decided that it is time to move onto the next Harry Potter DVD and to start reading the books. Although I am re reading Little House on the Prairie (wasn't able to find Little House in Big Woods at the library) at the moment and I am enjoying it every bit as much as I did when I was a child, maybe even more. So maybe I need to decide which series to go with for the moment. Or not. Maybe we can live in both worlds at once.

3 comments:

  1. I just adored those Laura Ingalls books. I've bought the whole set through scouring op-shops over the years.Love the Garth Williams illos, too.
    The early Potters nice read alouds for Grace, but probably only the first 3 while she's still pretty young.

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  2. I think that you will find what is right for you. Your path is never an easy one to solve, as I have travelled that road for the last 10 years. Sometimes you feel great and then other times it feels as though you are trying to crawl out from under a mountain. I hope all goes well. I used to find gardening helped me with the anxiety. Now living in a rental I dont have that pleasure so I try and take an afternoon nap which helps a bit. I loved watching Harry Potter and reading the books too.

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  3. Good luck with the job stuff, I hope a big weight lifts from your shoulders! I re-read the Little House books last year, i think my favourite is The Long Winter, it is quite an incredible story.

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