This morning on the tram, en route to having my head shrunk, I started jotting down some ideas for posts to cover the rest of October. Because, as I'm going on holiday soon, and because I can't bear the idea of not getting to the end of October without posting every day, and because during my holidays I may not have access to a computer or feel like blogging because I'll be at the beach or hanging with my family or otherwise wanting to feel free of blogging type obligation, I'm going to start writing two posts every day. Does that do your head in? Well yeah, it freaks me out a little that I can't let go.
At the shrink's I talked a lot about feeling like I have too much on my plate, feeling that I am way too busy. Wanting more space in my life, more time to do just one thing instead of flipping between competing priorites and projects slotted in amongst everything else. I asked her how high achievers do it and she just shrugged and said that she said she thinks our culture values busyness over many other things and that she doesn't think it's always particularly good for us. We talked about how I have tried to arrange my life so I am not too busy (and really working three days a week is pretty OK) and yet I always seem to be filling my days and nights, ending up feeling pressured and frustrated with myself for not getting everything done. And this is why I fall into colds. Although I guess to be fair, I do work in a very customer contacty job and look after a child that spends two days a week at the germ exchange, otherwise known as a childcare centre.
We also talked quite a bit about blogging and writing, about taking photos and how this process has been quite important to me. The old doctor was always lot easier about saying that this was a good thing for me to be doing. This doctor makes me work a bit harder. I still don't really know why it is so important to me, this writing business. Is it about holding onto something that I once nearly had and that I'm scared to lose before I have the proper amount of time to fully immerse myself in. Will I ever be able to write a book? Could I ever get over the hurdle of thinking that it is too big a project? Would I ever be able to commit? Is blogging enough in itself or am I just biding my time? Mmm. Well, I guess questions like this come out when you've been out drinking and then sit down at the keyboard. Who knew that vodka and apple juice was so nice? And that might also be the reason why not one of the photos I took tonight turned out. But I rather like this one from ealier in the month. In the future this land will be covered in housing. Hopefully some of it public and low cost housing. Should be happening now, but isn't.