Then of course there would be the post that I would have written on Saturday morning as I sat on the wet foam mattress in the backyard, crying, fuming and watching a big black rabbit loll around on the grass and sample bits from our vegetable patch. Grace is frightened of the rabbit, even though she's seen the benign ones on teletubbies (I am so loving teletubbies at the moment, really). Maybe because the rabbit is big and black. I think it must be an escaped pet because it turns up in our yard every few days or so.
If I was writing fiction instead of a blog, there would be more I could say. I'd make up characters and have them live the truth of what I'm feeling and thinking, without having to put a precise point on anything. It would still upset my family when they read it, but they'd never quite know what was true and what wasn't. Even if the fiction created a bigger, more honest truth; with much more unspoken and unstated. Where conflict hung in the air and the reader brought their imagination and experience to make it live on the page. But blogs aren't like that. Or at least, I don't know how to make them like that.
Still there's a lot I don't want to say because once you start saying stuff, maybe that's what will happen. Which is not what I want at all. And after all the high drama and tension, I do sense that a true turning point may have been reached. That things could get better from here. So I'm going to breathe. I'm going to enjoy my work and revel in the fact that two year olds are too young for true empathy, which is kind of refreshing in a way. I'm going to channel the teletubbies, who have big group hugs and who all love each other. And I'm going to do my best and hope for the best. Which is really all one can do.
ps thirdcat has a really fantastic post on blogging that I think everyone should read, if they haven't already. And these image manipulations, distraction from writing, eventhough I normally get straight to it. I think I may have been inspired by this. Even if I feel clumsy by comparison.
Phew, maybe I can write about craft next time.