the highspeed weekend

In a funny sort of way, the hardest thing about my new routine is the weekend. It's not that I don't enjoy it or look forward to it; I certainly do, more than ever. Just that there's an increased tension between needing and wanting to get things done, to relax and to have time, quality or otherwise, with Grace. My dad said something to me on Sunday about entering a phase of micromanaging my life. Just thinking about that fills my head with little pinging sensations.

All in all though, it was a great weekend. On Friday I had the huge pleasure of spending some time with some lovely ladies from the blog world. Like Sooz said, it's pretty thrilling to meet new people this way and find that you have more to talk about than you ever imagined. Maybe it's because we're in essence reading each others diaries, hearing and telling our stories over a period of time.  Like an endless soap opera (in a good way). And it' seems almost certain that if I've enjoyed reading someone's blog over time, then I'll enjoy meeting them in person. It's a fascinating method of meeting people. One I'm sure that non-bloggers don't get, as in understand. Actually I'm beyond explaining the complexities of blogging. Anyway, the only thing that marred the day a little was the huge sense of guilt when I left and Grace said, mummy car, I come. And then threw herself on the floor and howled when I said no. She's not stoopid, she knows when I wear my jeans (or rather denim trousers) that I'm not going to work and that it might be the fun sort of outing. The guilt suspended while I was away (because it was really fun), but re-surfaced as the day drew to an end, until I was riddled with it by bedtime. Have to lose the guilt, it's perfectly reasonable that I should do things for my own enjoyment and no-one round here is saying that I shouldn't. Mantra for the month, lose the guilt.

On Saturday, I had plans to meet my sister and our cousin and her baby but it all fell through. Leaving me with a free morning. In which we pulled apart Grace's room, arguing about change table placement and me becoming more and more stressed because I really wanted to take Grace out to get some bread and pop into the opshop for some little baskets for her toys.  And I had washing on et cetera. It just seemed such an unpleasant waste of time to be arguing about where to put a piece of furniture.  In the end though, it all happened and her room is looking much better. And more importantly is much more interesting for Grace. Next up the loungeroom play area. Betty and buby-lee came over in the late afternoon and although that was a relaxing interlude, with much leebuby excitment on Grace's part, I still felt stressed by the end of the day. Perhaps because I had to cook while Dr Who was on. It's hardcore trying to relax when there's so much I feel I need to do, so much I'm thinking about. Again, lose the guilt. Stop trying so hard.

Sunday we took G's computer over to my Dad's. It has stopped working and at first we thought Grace may have shoved something in the drive, and I wouldn't put it past her, but the verdict is something else. Something to do with the raid drives. It appears that he may lose all his data. Sigh. Nonethess, it was a really enjoyable day. G drove, we listened to silverchair in the car, had lunch (including cake), and hung out. Grace was a delight, she's been talking all about Papa and Nina ever since. They've been away and now it's like they're the new flavour of the month. I got to take some pictures, not as many as I would like, but I've been thinking about the light in Dad's house and despite being a dull day, it was pretty good. Kind of inspires me a bit. The feeling from the day carried on for ages, and suddenly we all seem to be getting along better.

Ok, time to go to bed. I thought I'd get to read some blogs tonight, but maybe tomorrow. 


Stomper Girl said...

Cooking while Doctor Who is on would stress me out too. You need to be flat out on the couch with a glass of wine and nobody talking.

Shula said...

I'm with Stomper. Especially if the aliens are humanoid with pig masks on. How do you multi task to that?
3 things:
1. The cake.
2. The light in that kitchen. And the stove. How glorious.
3. The cake.

sooz said...

Oh god, it is so stressful isn't it? It is so hard not to always be revising the to do list in my head, to be overwhelmed by it, to devote all my time to jobs and feel like I'm missing all the fun, or have fun and feel overwhelmed by all the work that hasn't been done. Hope you get a rhythm and the mantras work. And like Shula said - that cake!

Kris said...

Yep, yep, yep. 'No guilt' ismy mantra too, used to remind it it's okay to say 'no' to partners, kids, work mates, etc. Two things:
1. I cook, cook, cook on the w/e so there's stuff in the freezer for dinners duirng the night. It really limited my pleasure in cooking. Your photo suggests you're still finding some joy in cooking.
2. On micro-managing. One of the saddest things I read was advice to a mother about to start work. Someone had detailed information down to how many bags to hold on the way to child care, how to hold them and what to have in each so that a woman could find tickets, hold a child and eat breakfast while walking to the bus stop. I felt so overwhelmed reading this, and am so thankful that my micro-management isn't quite down to that detail.

Lazy Cow said...

That kitchen, is divine. I am so envious of your girls' day out I cannot speak :-)

ThirdCat said...

Lose the guilt.
Then sell the secret, and never have to cook for yourself again.

suse said...

Oh that kitchen! And Grace's gumboots! And th cake!

h&b said...

My God, what glorious photos !!
And now I want cake, but not ANY cake, *that cake*. Now. Pronto.
I never get to go anywhere without the M.C.
Unless it's nightime.
Otherwise, we're a package, i just don't have anyone to look after him, not even on a weekend.
And that in itself, is not akin to meeting new people, as I just can't give them the time to get to know them, and I probably come across as scatter-brained and non-attentive, distracted.
Because I am. With a 3yr old.

Susan said...

I honestly don't know what to say. But I want to say something. Hang in there? It'll become easier when you're in a "routine"? They just sound like platitudes! I think you're doing a fine job as it is.

nutmeg said...

Yes yes yes! Just was writing about this dilemma myself. Having kids has just seen time accelerate to some warp speed and I KNOW I am not keeping up. t's all I can do to try and pick the most important things to retain/do and let the rest go by.
And Golden Syrup dumplings. I have an old Family Circle recipe. I LOVE them and haven't made them for a while. I know what will be on the menu sometime over the weekend now!