In a funny sort of way, the hardest thing about my new routine is the weekend. It's not that I don't enjoy it or look forward to it; I certainly do, more than ever. Just that there's an increased tension between needing and wanting to get things done, to relax and to have time, quality or otherwise, with Grace. My dad said something to me on Sunday about entering a phase of micromanaging my life. Just thinking about that fills my head with little pinging sensations.
All in all though, it was a great weekend. On Friday I had the huge pleasure of spending some time with some lovely ladies from the blog world. Like Sooz said, it's pretty thrilling to meet new people this way and find that you have more to talk about than you ever imagined. Maybe it's because we're in essence reading each others diaries, hearing and telling our stories over a period of time. Like an endless soap opera (in a good way). And it' seems almost certain that if I've enjoyed reading someone's blog over time, then I'll enjoy meeting them in person. It's a fascinating method of meeting people. One I'm sure that non-bloggers don't get, as in understand. Actually I'm beyond explaining the complexities of blogging. Anyway, the only thing that marred the day a little was the huge sense of guilt when I left and Grace said, mummy car, I come. And then threw herself on the floor and howled when I said no. She's not stoopid, she knows when I wear my jeans (or rather denim trousers) that I'm not going to work and that it might be the fun sort of outing. The guilt suspended while I was away (because it was really fun), but re-surfaced as the day drew to an end, until I was riddled with it by bedtime. Have to lose the guilt, it's perfectly reasonable that I should do things for my own enjoyment and no-one round here is saying that I shouldn't. Mantra for the month, lose the guilt.
On Saturday, I had plans to meet my sister and our cousin and her baby but it all fell through. Leaving me with a free morning. In which we pulled apart Grace's room, arguing about change table placement and me becoming more and more stressed because I really wanted to take Grace out to get some bread and pop into the opshop for some little baskets for her toys. And I had washing on et cetera. It just seemed such an unpleasant waste of time to be arguing about where to put a piece of furniture. In the end though, it all happened and her room is looking much better. And more importantly is much more interesting for Grace. Next up the loungeroom play area. Betty and buby-lee came over in the late afternoon and although that was a relaxing interlude, with much leebuby excitment on Grace's part, I still felt stressed by the end of the day. Perhaps because I had to cook while Dr Who was on. It's hardcore trying to relax when there's so much I feel I need to do, so much I'm thinking about. Again, lose the guilt. Stop trying so hard.
Sunday we took G's computer over to my Dad's. It has stopped working and at first we thought Grace may have shoved something in the drive, and I wouldn't put it past her, but the verdict is something else. Something to do with the raid drives. It appears that he may lose all his data. Sigh. Nonethess, it was a really enjoyable day. G drove, we listened to silverchair in the car, had lunch (including cake), and hung out. Grace was a delight, she's been talking all about Papa and Nina ever since. They've been away and now it's like they're the new flavour of the month. I got to take some pictures, not as many as I would like, but I've been thinking about the light in Dad's house and despite being a dull day, it was pretty good. Kind of inspires me a bit. The feeling from the day carried on for ages, and suddenly we all seem to be getting along better.
Ok, time to go to bed. I thought I'd get to read some blogs tonight, but maybe tomorrow.