The last week or so, I feel like I have been tottering on the edge of an abyss. It's been quite bad, long days of feeling rotten, bizarre and frightening nightmares, stress related dental issues, tetchiness and the feeling that not being me for a while would be quite a relief. There have been pleasant interludes where I've been out or have had visitors when I've felt good, but once I stepped back into the everyday, the crappiness returned. I know I'm not the only one to get anxious or sad around Christmas but it occured to me today that last Christmas I was still on mood altering medication and the Christmas before that I was pregnant with Grace, and full of happy hormones. It's been a while since I've done the lead up to Christmas cold, so to speak. And now that I'm a responsible mother type, I can't revert to (very, as in last century) old ways and spend my non-working hours getting off my head. So I'm kind of stuck with myself.
kafkaesque with each new policy twiddle.
Susan Johnson's memoir A Better Woman, which despite the grimness of the subject matter, is one of the most engrossing books I have read for a while.) A fair bit of talking on the phone to my mum and my sister about this and that, making pancakes to eat with plum jam, reading the paper, and dyeing my hair.