Today I had my fitness reassement at the local gym. I'm not doing too well and have not lost any weight since January, have also not maintained fitness previously gained, therefore sliding down from fair to poor again. On a more positive note, have lost about a centimetre on most girth measurments & have not cancelled gym membership. I quite like going to the gym, it makes me feel better mentally & I do need to loose weight. I've been big most of my adult life and I'm just tired off it. Besides I'm 42 (yes another older mother) and I want to be around for my daughter & her children if she decides that way. And this mothering business is hard work, I need to be fit or at least fitter.
Before I started going to the gym late last year I had really stacked on the weight & was heavier than when I was pregnant. This was due to a nasty little drug Zyprexa that I had to take as a result of getting post natal psychosis when Grace was about three months old. This drug is great for bringing you back to reality, which I needed, but it slows your metabolism and increases your appetite by stimulating the release of prolactin (just like with breastfeeding, except that your body is not using energy as with breastfeeding). It's a total bummer of a side effect, especially as I had been really careful not to put on too much weight while pregnant and had gradually started loosing afterwards.
At the first reassement I had lost 11 kilos & lots of centimetres (pretty much all the Zyprexa weight). But I went to the gym 3 times a week because Gerard was between jobs & always available to co-parent. ( I also got to sleep in more often, bless him) Now I have to compete for creche places under this crazy system where you have to ring on the dot of 8am the week before the day you want & it's first in best dressed. If you ring early you have to ring again & will probably miss out. It's not that I'm not up at 8, but what with Grace getting into the recycling or Gerard's vinyl or something else that I didn't think to baby proof & getting the washing on & playing referee between cat & small child the minutes just slip on by. And what's more this all before my breakfast & coffee.
Then there's the dieting. We eat a moderately healthy diet. Gerard's a vegetarian so we eat lots of beans, vegetables, fruit & grains. We try not to overdo the oil, cheese or chocolate. He's naturally skinny but has been happy to go along with the low fat thing as long as he can have avocado. I hate the dieting, I like to cook & bake which together with my heavy Anglo/Germanic genetic ancestry is probably how I got this way. It's interesting to note that on my fathers' side of the family anyone older than a teenager who is even close to slim works really hard at it. So I have accepted that it will be hard & that I probably won't ever be really slender. However I also want Grace to have her best chance at not being fat or overly neurotic about her weight which means I need to set an example with the diet & excercise.
Did I mention that I hate dieting? Maybe it is that constant edge of hunger that I hate most. It seems so very unnatural when we live in such an abundant society.